The Spirit of Integration
Honoring what I know and the many parts of self as well as following mother nature's rhythms
Hello, I am writing to you from the hearth of my home. The fire is crackling right in front of me. My tea tray with warm red oolong tea is to my right and a curled up black cat is napping to my left. Ravi Shankar’s mystical sitar is playing in the background. It’s the first rainfall of the season. The rain outside my window showers the neighboring redwoods and the sound of rain hitting the rooftop is the most soothing white noise to my ears.
The elements bring me to a state of contemplation and motions me to reflect on the year. Last year as I left the wilderness and original territory of the Apache people where I lived and worked - and entered the wilderness of San Francisco, I mourned the shedding of my alter-ego, Moonsong Monarch and I asked myself really important questions: “who was Moonsong Monarch? What was it that she did that helped my being feel more balanced and whole?”
The real work begins once we come back to our “default reality” from the wilderness, from that rite of passage ceremony, from that yoga or vipassana retreat, from that ayahuasca ceremony, from that spiritual retreat, from that cleanse, from that backpacking or rock climbing trip, or from any transformative peak experience…
Who were you back “there”? What rituals and practices were you engaging with that helped you access your grief? your joy? your patience? your discipline? your wholeness? What conditions made that environment fruitful enough to help you blossom and access those parts of self?
“No matter how fully we experience the primordial self while in the wild, the real work begins when we return. Even the most potent wilderness journey can be lost in a few moments of days, brushed off by saying “I’ve got to go back to the real world now.” The experience is suddenly discounted as though the untamed natural world were not real. Wilderness becomes objectified, a thrilling adventure vacation that is kept in photos in a shoe box and stored in a closet. For those who work with wilderness, whether as therapy or as practice, the greatest challenge is bringing it all back home.” (Harper, 1995, p. 196)
Without integration work, we run the risk of engaging with these transformative peak experiences as a form of escapism.
If you were gifted a vision for how you could be living your life, what will you do with it? How will you walk with it? How will you embody it? Integration begs the question, “how can I be responsible for what I know now?” (Wendell Berry)
I came up with an extensive list to really dissect this “Moonsong Monarch” archetype that appeared in the wilderness, specifically in the wilderness therapy context, to really understand the practices she was engaging in, to see if I could anchor this alter ego in the matrix of man made reality, all in the spirit of integration.
After writing out the list, I picked out a couple practices that Moonsong Monarch engaged with and focused on those for the year: singing around the fire, facilitating council, whittling spoons somewhere wild and forest bathing. With this came the birth of Ecoterapia along with its two monthly offerings to support me in my integration process: Singing The Spirit Back Into The Body: a song circle and fire circle at Bancroft Community Gardens and Walk and Whittle: a spoon carving workshop and forest bathing practice in the Redwoods of Oakland.
Yesterday, I facilitated the last spoon carving workshop and forest bathing practice of the season and today I feel like I am harvesting an abundance of metaphorical fruits this autumn harvest. I feel integrated and whole knowing these practices and rituals are here to support me if I can surrender to the process of the ritual and get out of my own way and if I can attend to them with tapas (discipline) and devotion because the process of integration can be a lifelong practice as long as its intention its still in resonance for how I want to be walking upon this earth.
Integration work is not glamorous work, it can be quite messy. It’s easy to access “my favorite sense of self” at the yoga retreat however not in the hustle and bustle of the city landscape. The tendency is to go back to the old ways of operating in the world. The environment affects the psyche and invites the parts of self that feel safe enough in such environment to come out.
A couple days before facilitating and holding space for the ritualistic container I had set in place to support me, I had many feelings of insecurity come up. Fear would tell me, you’re not good enough, no one is going to show up, you should cancel. Sometimes I even hoped it would rain so I could cancel the event. I honestly felt like cancelling every offering last minute, but I still managed to show up. Knowing this fearful-perfectionist part and holding space for it to voice its anxieties but not letting it stay over for tea was helpful to get to know my tendencies and to remember to also give voice to the part of me that does feel joyous, hopeful and prepared for this work. These offerings taught me the importance of beginning imperfectly even to an audience of two people, and staying grounded in my intention of integration to support myself and the person I’m becoming. Hearing the feedback of these offerings from participants has made my heart swell with gratitude. I think now more than ever we need more community built spaces that offer strength, joy and resilience.
Now that the rains have come, following nature’s cycle, I feel drawn to go inwards, allow for these offerings to go into slumber and see what flourishes in the fruitful darkness of autumn and winter.
Please stay tuned for more heart-centered, ecocentric, offerings in the spring. As of October, have now become part of Earthways team of wilderness guides, so will be channeling some good energy in that direction to conjure some magic!
Hoping you are finding ease and moments of joy during these times,
Reet
If you want to sing indoors this month!
Song carrier Ahlay Blakeley is coming to the Bay Area November 20th: https://www.eventcreate.com/e/thebaysongcircle
November 26 & December 16: Soup, Song, Soul, a song circle Facilitated by René Goodman, drink soup & sing! For future announcements, join the Signal group.
Sing outside in the redwoods the first Wednesday of every the month with Amy Webb Armstrong in her offering Woodsong: December 4, January 1 (or maybe the 8th), February 5th. Join her mailing list for updates.